last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
