It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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