i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
