You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
