New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
