Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
