it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
