your thong is hanging out like whoa
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
