We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I cannot find my penis.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
