Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
