Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
