This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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