wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
