the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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