sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
