Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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