I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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