You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
