Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
