I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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