I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
