I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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