So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
