Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
