I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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