Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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