I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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