I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
