im drinking this country out of the recession.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
