So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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