I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
