tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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