She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So many bounce houses so little time
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
