it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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