I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
