I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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