Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
