Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize