Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just cut my nipple shaving
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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