First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
