I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
