Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
