whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
