They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
