I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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