Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
