so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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