goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
