My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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