At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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