You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
