I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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