i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
