I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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