omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
