i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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