She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my shit smells like andre
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
