I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
