no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
