exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
a search helicopter?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
