How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i have two assholes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
