We got so high we made milksteak
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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