There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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