I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
