fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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