i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
