...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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