She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
