Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
