the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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