i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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