OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
