For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
