Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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