If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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