Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
