you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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