i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
