No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
