a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
