do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
